A married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days, he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation.

Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend: "Take the next plane for a fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress."

His friend was quick to wire back: "Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11:30 a.m. How long have you known about us?"

________________________________

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

___________________X___________________

This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom, "Oh yuck!!" she proclaimed as she pointed it to her new husband

As he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and asked "What they don't use those things where you come from?"

"Yeah," she said "but we don't skin 'em!"

__________________X__________________

Gary, a traveling salesman once got caught up in a blizzard and got shelter with a farmer who had three daughters.

The farmer called him aside and told him, "Young man, I have three daughters, so stay in your room the whole night and no tricks, be warned."

In the morning, Gary, the salesman came down and the farmer asked him, "How was your night, young man?"

"Oh! Slept like a rabbit. Thanks for your hospitality; I will never forget it."

The farmer felt very happy and at the bar that night mentioned this fact to his close friend. He was boasting what a good father he had been by keeping his daughters away from trouble.

His friend laughed aloud and said, "You fool! A rabbit does not sleep at night. It goes from hole to hole the whole night!"
_______________________________________
_________________________________________________
_______________________________________

God Said, "Adam, I Want you to do Something for me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him.

Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?" !

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to
The hill......."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will
Find a cave"

Adam said, "What's a cave?"

After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will
Find a Woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, too.

Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under his breath), "Geez....." !

And then, just like everything else, God explained
That to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river,
And over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is
It now?"

And Adam said
"What's a headache?"

---

The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor: "As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm. She will answer, 'I'm the Egg. From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?"

The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor said, "Then, good luck!"

Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and runs to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm. He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach the red, sticky ball.

When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, "Hi, I'm a sperm."

The red sticky ball smiles and says, "Hi. I'm a tonsil.

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer from the nearby town.

She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes.

For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G-string. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage.

The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?"

She replied with a wicked smile, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?"

---

---

Dave stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What is taking so long?"

"My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony," Dave explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."

"Good lord," his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

---